Archive for June, 2012


I’m sick of me

I really am. I’m sick and tired of my concerns, my thoughts, my opinions and my attitude. I want to know how you are doing. Yes, I have troubles but we all have troubles. Tell me yours. Invite me to weep and laugh with you because this life isn’t about me. It’s about you and I. This life is about you and I caring for one another so thank you for asking me how I am. Now, share your life with me.

I’m listening.

Dialogue

You disgust me.
You.
With your pitiful, whining and moaning, “I can’t. I can’t.”
Yes, you can!
Your crying and droning and mewling have become tiresome.
You.
With your negativity and your excuses. Spend a little time doing. That’s right, doing.
Do something for yourself.
Anything.
Just stop whining.
I’m sick of it.
I speak to you and I tell you,
I show you,
I do everything but do it for you.
I wish I could.
I can’t.

So, STOP!
Shut up.
Moaning, wailing, complaining, shrieking, “it can’t be! It shouldn’t be.”
My dear friend
it is!
And it will be.
Because you allow it.
That’s right.
You allow it.
You do not listen.
You do not hear.
You do not pay attention.

Heartbroken.
I know. I understand.
Been there.
I’m weak too.
That’s why you piss me off.
I can’t help you.
I try and I try and I try.
you still rage.
I can do nothing.
Watching as you are torn asunder.
I cannot stop you.
You
whom I love so,
stop hurting yourself.
Please.
release it.

Tell me,
show me,
I will do what I can.
I will help.
I will not cast you out.
I will not.
I will be here.
For you.
For you,
I will be here,
don’t tell me what I will do.
Don’t presume.
You
presume
too much and,
I rage.
I stab into you,
in doing so,
I stab, maim, crush and devour myself.

Yes,
I am selfish.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to smile.
Don’t cry.
Please.
Allow me
this one small favor.
Allow me to be your friend and help you.

Healing takes time.
We have it.
I will poke and prod and stir you,
to tell you,
you can decide.

We can decide,
All of us.
Let’s do it.
Make the change,
the effort.
Let’s live!
be Happy.
Sorrowful,
for now.
Then move forwards.
You can’t go back,
Time doesn’t allow it.
Neither should we.
So my friend,
take my hand
and walk with me.
I will hold you.
I will care for you.
I will do
anything.
Just for one second,
allow me.

Where does it come from?
The pain within,
I feel it inside me.
More inside me than any human thing.

It swells and roars and it will not go away.
I plead,
cry,
hold it close.

In the snow,
alone,
naked,
feeling.

Feeling the pain from the snow,
numb.
Erupting inside.
Inside me, the pain,
flaring,
throbbing.

Rising
I soar;
distracted,
within the drug.
The pain is still there.
Burning,
tearing, clawing.

Inside you,
I feel you.
Sweat mingling.
I ache,
longing.
I still feel the pain.

Then.
night,
alone,
alone with the pain.
I hold it tight,
knowing,
I’m alive.

Dream

           
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afraid